Heroic Lust

Heroic Lust (A submissive's perspective on Characteristics)
We sometimes forget just what it takes to do what a dominant does best. While we chose to give up control, and follow their lead, while our mind becomes a whirlwind of emotions, and our bodies, taken to greater heights, we cannot realize at this time the inner workings of our partner. So when can we understand the strength, control and awareness that it takes to be one of the best?  Reflective thinking, perhaps, in the quiet of caring arms, when we've returned from our high. A dominant's role is not an easy one. Many take it for granted, not seeing behind the scenes of what goes through their minds. Not acknowledging the awe of what is truly present.  So what makes a good dominant and a good partnership? Heroic Lust. An easy way to remember the most important words in this lifestyle's relationship, although definitely not in this order. So what do they stand for?
Honesty	Doms are people too. Anyone not admitting to faults or mistakes is lying both to themselves and to others. Honesty goes hand in hand with Trust and Communication. Both submissives and dominants are honest with their needs, wants, dreams, and desires. It is only with Honesty, that a relationship can develop to the extent where both partners are happy. Your dishonesty about your limits or fears, or His not wanting you to know that he lacks experience with a chosen tool, can be hazardous to both parties. Be honest with yourself, and then be honest with others.
Empathy	Both partners need to be in tune to the moods of the other. We seek someone who can see the frightened child within us all, the warm companion, or just the average person who, like the rest of the world, also have problems, get tired after a hard day of work, or just isn't in the mood to always be what they want them to be.
Respect	For ourselves, for our partner, and for others. Set a good example, so that others will follow. Respect fellow dominants, or other submissives, who may need a helping hand or a bit of advice. Respect that the opinions of others do not make them right or wrong, simply different.
Observation	It's here where a dominant can really shine. Their mind tuned in to everything around them during play. Your breathing, the tightness of your bonds, your pleasure, pain, body language, and most of all, your safety. His brain is processing what he needs to do to counteract or balance your needs or what he wants to accomplish. All at the same time bringing you to that point. Imagine trying to swing a flogger, hit your mark, while making sure your hands aren't turning blue, and your breathing patterns are steady. Try it sometime. :) This is the most unappreciated and unrecognized of all their traits, and one of the most important ones.
Intelligence	Both a dominant and submissive need intelligence to be able to read, study, and comprehend all which needs to be learned and taught. Be a good conversationalist, sharing in each others passions. An enlightened mind sees things in a different light and tends to be more open minded.
Communication	Communication is paramount. One of the top 3 on my list of priorities. It is the center from where all other characteristics stem from. Without communication, any relationship- be it vanilla or otherwise - is doomed for failure. And communication doesn't mean "I talk, you listen". It is a method for understanding your relationship.
Control	Control. What would a BDSM relationship be without it? The submissive giving it up, the dominant taking it. A dominant must have control of himself first and foremost. Mentally, physically and emotionally. The submissive must be willing to relinquish their control.
Caring	Caring. Be a friend when you both need one. Warm arms when we all need to be held. A mentor when we seek answers. A soothing touch when we are afraid. A simple smile to let us know all is right with the world.
Creativity	Creativity. New ways, ideas, methods. Ever-changing patterns which evoke that rush which the mind so craves.
Loyalty	In what you are, and in what you do. In the rules that the two of you have established. This is a key facet of trust.
Understanding	Where each other is coming from, and where you want to go. Understand the opinions of another, and their outlook on life and on other people. Being able to relate in all areas. Understand that the face that you show to others is how they see you.
Strength	Primarily mental strength. Lets face it submissives aren't always compliant, and we do tend to give our dominants a run for their money. It's our job to keep their minds sharp! But all kidding aside, both parties need to feel it. Does she have the inner strength to do what I ask of her? Or, yes, because i am encompassed within his strength, I have the ability to do what is expected of me, or what I need to accomplish. "I am safe, because I feel his other strength beside me." Mental strength also assists in self control.
Safety	Safety needs no explanation. Anyone - submissive or dominant, who is not concerned about safety, shouldn't be in this lifestyle.
Trust	The crutch of any relationship, but due to the intenseness of this lifestyle's play, trust is the focal point around which everything else revolves. You trust that he will be there for you. You trust that his aim with a whip is accurate, and he trusts that you won't move and have his mark strike in the wrong place. You trust that he knows what is best for you, and at times follow blindly into the unknown, knowing full well that a mistake on his part could be damaging on many counts. He trusts that you'll follow, sometimes fearful, hesitant. But in your doing so, a dominant's mind can know no greater rush than seeing that trust, and knowing He was the cause of it. This psychological aspect of BDSM is, in my opinion, the number one factor of why we chose this lifestyle.
Heroic Lust. Put all together, these words fit its definition. Whatever importance you chose to place on each word or how you chose to remember them... is up to you.

The Dom/Sub/Kinkiness Tests

The Dom or Sub Test

Perfectly balanced
Your final tally: 2

You and your partner share equal power. Neither of you is 

completely dominant or completely submissive. You have 

reached that beautiful harmony in your relationship that others 

are so jealous of. You trade off hats, pants, and toys and are 

always looking out for each others' best interests. Congrats.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 47% on Dom points

The Domination and submission Test

Switch
You scored:

8 dominance, 

3 submission,
14 switch, 

2 vanilla.

You like to give, and receive! Yea for you!
You found a balance you like, now find
someone to go with you! Congratulations :)

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored 8% on dominance, higher than 59% of your peers.

You scored 3% on submission, higher than 23% of your peers.

You scored 14% on switch, higher than 89% of your peers.

You scored 2% on vanilla, higher than 44% of your peers.

The Could You Be A Good Dominatrix Test

Goddess
You scored 84% Dominance and 72% Technique!

You are, quite simply, mind-blowingly and unbearably hot. 

You would not just be a 'good' Dominatrix. You would be - hell

you *are* - a stunning and breathtaking sexual experience

for whatever man that is lucky enough to be captured by you.

Whatever you do, don't let your talents go to waste. Use them. 

Nurture them. Impart them to others. And, if all else fails, call me ;)

 Thank you for taking my test, Ma'am - I hope we can meet someday.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored 84% on Dominance, higher than 96% of your peers.

You scored 72% on Technique, higher than 77% of your peers.

You scored  100% on Intangibles, higher than 59% of your peers.

The Are You A Born Submissive Test

You are 19% Submissive!

Dominance is a personality trait that all of us have to some degree.

Some people are just happier when they are the ones in control and

they enjoy knowing people are following their lead.

Others enjoy being guided, and enjoy letting others take charge.

In a sexual/relationship context Dominants love the power they

get from having a partner trust them enough to submit to their will,

and love using that power to please their partner, perhaps in

ways their partner never expects.

Submissive and dominant personality traits are part of everyone's

natural make-up. You may be very submissive in the workplace or in

being the head of your family, and yet still be dominant when it
comes to relationship or sexual matters.

If you scored very low you may want to take my test on dominance,
and may have already explored BDSM as a healthy outlet for your
need to control and direct others.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored 19% submissive, higher than 14% of your peers.

The Are You A Born Dominant? Test

You are 76% dominant!

Dominance is a personality trait that all of us have to some degree.

Some people are just happier when they are the ones in control and

they enjoy knowing people are following their lead.

Others enjoy being guided, and enjoy letting others take charge.

In a sexual/relationship context Dominants love the power they

get from having a partner trust them enough to submit to their will,

and love using that power to please their partner, perhaps in

ways their partner never expects.

Submissive and dominant personality traits are part of everyone's

natural make-up. You may be very submissive in the workplace or in

being the head of your family, and yet still be dominant when it
comes to relationship or sexual matters.

If you scored very low you may want to take my test on submission,
and may have already explored BDSM as a healthy outlet for your
need to control and direct others.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 93% on Dominance

The Miss Lucy's Twisted/Kinky Test

Kinky/Twisted!
You are 95% kinky/twisted

90-100% It is highly advisable that you contact the writer of this test

ASAP to arrange for a personal retesting... you sure know how to
have twisted kinky fun times!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 85% on variable 1

The Kinkiness Test

Kinky Bitch!
Grats! You're 91% kinky!

Well, well, well, you kinky Bitch! Most likely you're into 

some weird shit, which is always great. Consider mailing the 

author of this test, and keep up the good work. ;)

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared
to other people your age and gender:

You scored 91% on kink points, higher than 96% of your peers.

The foot fetish for females Test

Category 6
You scored 805 variable 1!

You are the most perfect woman God ever created. You are 

the reason that this test was created. You are a Goddess. Men

with foot fetishes will pray to You. We all love You. Your feet are 

the treasures that we all fantasize about. If You're not on my 

website email me and we can work something out. If you have a 

significant other, he is the luckiest man alive. I am jealous of 

him. I could go on but, I think You know that 

You're every foot man's wet dream and more.

You scored 805 on variable 1, higher than 97%of your peers!

Feminization

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Feminization can be the practice, especially in female dominance, of switching the gender role of a male submissive.


It is usually achieved through cross-dressing, where the male is dressed in female attire. There are many degrees of Feminization, from just wearing female undergarments to being fully dressed in female attire.
Some males take on tasks, behaviors and roles that are overtly feminine, and adopt female mannerisms and postures in task such as sitting, walking and acting in a feminine manner.


The costume is sometimes very domestic, suggestive of servitude and out-dated, distancing the submissive male from current feminine clothing. This is also an opportunity for ageplay.


Naming may also be employed. A submissive male may be given a feminine name, designated as "a good girl", or given explicitly female insults, such as "slut" or "whore".


Hardcore feminization may also mean the male being the recipient of anal sex by a female using a strap-on dildo, or employing some form of orgasm control, usually through the use of a chastity belt or cage.


In its most extreme form, feminization can also involve hormone treatment, Mind control and Gender Reassignment Surgery.


Feminization can also be the conversion of a masculine name into a feminine name such as ‘Stephen’ into ‘Stephanie’, ‘Joseph’ into ‘Josephine’ or 'Regis' into 'Ragina'. Feminization of a masculine name can be achieved by adding an ‘ie’ or ‘a’ to the name though there are several irregular names that can not follow this model such as ‘Samuel’ to ‘Samantha’. In general feminine names end with an ē or au sound.

See also

• Bottom (BDSM)
• Domination and submission
• Erotic humiliation
• Female dominance
• Gender Reassignment Surgery
• Mind control
• Petticoating
• Skoptic syndrome

Aftercare (BDSM)

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Aftercare is the process of attending to a submissive after a play scene. The experience of extended play can be physically and mentally exhausting but individual reactions vary.


After a play, a submissive may be incapable of moving without assistance and may require a blanket and water. They also may require emotional support such as holding and verbal reassurances from a trusted friend.


Other submissives report needing to be left alone or other means of processing the experience.
It might also be neccesairly to treat and clean wounds from bloodplay or tears from rough BDSM.

AFTERCARE as an acronym

In the text about a shibari weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio, an addendum written by a certain shevah was added about aftercare, in which the word AFTERCARE (Never underestimate the importance of negotiating this closing ritual) was explained as an acronym:


A: Attentiveness – This includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing, hugging, kissing, massaging, and whispers. Free the bottom from bondage. Have a change of clothing packed. Control body temperature. Get warmth by: blankets, clothing, socks, slippers. Cool down by: drinking water, slowing your pace, move to cooler location. Relax your muscles & mind. If bottom is flying, cover eyes from bright lights. Negotiate beforehand what you will need.


F: Fortify – Your body’s needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice, eating food, sugar, medications, and nicotine. Clean up: use the rest room, wash your hands & face, administer first aid to wounds and collect your thoughts. Rest: a large amount of energy was exerted & endorphins raging through the body. Prepare beforehand how to give aftercare & clean up the scene. 3rd party aftercare? Know any medical conditions for both Top and bottom.


T: Transition – A huge Power Exchange took place. Develop a way to Empower yourself. Reclaim the power dynamics within your relationship. Refocus your temperament. Find the balance in your roles. Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body & spirit. Allow different gear speeds to drive you so that you can operate smoothly. Feeling safe and secure requires reestablishing your former protective walls and defenses.


E: Express – Giving & showing gratitude to your partner(s) is paramount in emphasizing the scene had meaning. Recognize your appreciation for the hard work just displayed. A heart felt “Thank You” goes a long way. Acknowledge the importance of your connection, which you just shared. Affirm your care and concern, be supportive and listen. Consider what you can do for/to one another to ‘ritualize’ the ending of the scene.


R: Recovery – It takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one’s thoughts, and recuperate in order to be independent again. Cognitive thinking, emotional stability, and full motor functionality are all regained with time. The feeling of abandonment is common if this necessary recovery period is insufficient. When problems occur and things go wrong; react quickly, decisively, and assertively. Prepare your options for scene breakers/stoppers.


C: Communicate – Be supportive and listen to each other. Did you exchange contact information? Call, talk, email, visit, & journal: within hours, days, weeks, and months. Determining how much follow up is needed depends upon the depth of your scene & the areas of the mind that was delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs for both partners. Tops are “psycho”, not “psychic” – share your feelings and give them feedback.


A: Analyze – Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria, disappointments, regrets, and pleasures. Assess your immediate & long term needs. Did you have an emotional release? What did your tears or laughter mean? Are you experiencing delayed “crashing” – Top/sub drop? Tops & bottoms can experience regrets and remorse for what just happened. Do you need reassurance & validation for your actions? Endorphin levels take time to stabilize.


R: Reflect – A critical reflection upon the scene is a natural process and should be explored by both players. Were the expectations, goals, and/or limits reached? Were they realistic? Was the scene effective? What elements could be changed? What “mental” barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention to heal? Was the equipment used adequate? If there was an audience, were they affected? What precautions should you take next time?


E: Explore – Future possibilities to play again with this person. Find ideas to be researched. Determine which skills to improve. Redefine your don’t list and questions to ask. Locate areas of uncomfortability to avoid. What is on your wish list? Don’t have the mindset of “got to play-itis”. What changes do you need to make with your negotiations? Where are you now? What have you learned? Realize there is no ‘one’ standard for aftercare. Make it what you need and what works for you and your partner(s).

Collar (BDSM)

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In a BDSM context, a collar is a device of any material placed around the neck of the submissive partner.
The most common material is leather, and many people use actual dog collars with a buckle. Other materials include rubber, PVC, and metal, typically stainless steel. Collars may be decorated in various ways, and often feature buckles, straps and hooks, padlocks and other attachments. The standard form is a black leather band around the neck, though there are many variations including elegant jewelry necklaces. D-rings are often added to allow the attachment of a leash.


Collars are often used in role-playing games involving humiliation because they have connotations of control and pet-like status, especially when worn with a leash.


Collars have varying degrees of significance for people in the BDSM community. A person wearing a collar may wish by doing so to make it known that she or he is submissive. Wearing a collar may similarly be a signal to others that the submissive is "owned" by or is in a relationship with a dominant. It may also be a potently tangible symbol of the relationship itself or of the ownership the submissive is held in. A lockable collar may further symbolize a transfer of power from the submissive to the dominant holding the key.
A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal "collaring ceremonies" which are regarded as effectively solemnizing their relationship in the same way as a marriage ceremony.


Few submissives wear their collars all the time; as a fashion accessory they are becoming more common, but not sufficiently so that they would go unnoticed, particularly if worn by men. Many choose to wear their collars only when in private with their partners, or with other members of the BDSM community.


As BDSM practices are moving from the old guard leather community into middle class society the role of the collar has changed also. Increasingly couples who also practice 24/7 Domination and submission relationships adopt collars that can be mistaken as ordinary chokers or jewelry necklaces and can be worn discreetly in public. Further evolution of this migration has had groups which actively practice BDSM in a relationship but where roles are switched or not as clear as in a traditional D/s relationship. The practice of joint collaring has emerged, where both wear a collar to show their devotion to the other one and to their lifestyle. Generally the collars look alike and/or are inscribed with vows to each other.


In the old guard leather community there were three stages of collaring. These are still informally followed by some in the BDSM community. The "collar of consideration" was the first and roughly analogous to a pre-engagement ring. This collar could be removed at any time by the submissive with no ill will and the relationship would be ended. The "training collar" is roughly analogous to an engagement ring and indicates a deepening relationship in which the submissive is being prepared by the dominant to serve to the standards the dominant wishes. Again, the submissive may ask to be released but the break is considered more serious and painful for both parties. Finally, the "slave collar" is analogous to a wedding band and at this point the submissive is considered a formal slave and owned by the dominant. In the old guard leather community this was considered permanent with no chance to end unless the submissive was released by the dominant for some exceptional reason. Simple failure of service was not adequate since that showed a failure on the part of the dominant as well as the slave. As with engagement and wedding rings there are traditions with collars in regard to type of materials and colors that are appropriate to each type, usually becoming more elaborate.
House collars are also used in clubs, homes and in organizations that provide social spaces to protect submissives. House collars show that the submissive is under the guidance of the house and is not to be approached. This is often used with inexperienced submissives who are not ready to make their own choices yet and need time to learn.


"Velcro collar" is an increasingly common term, used derisively. The old guard leather community was very protocol oriented and stressed serious lifestyle involvement because of safety issues. More recently, however, email, Internet chat rooms and instant messaging services allowed the curious to participate in casual (and often anonymous) D/s relationships online. The Velcro reference indicates the tendency for online dominants and submissives to have new online collaring ceremonies frequently and without regard for existing relationships which end as easily as not logging in.