Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here are a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM:
� Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.
� In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.
� During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
� If your Dom/me tells you, "Look me in the eyes, " do it cross-eyed.
� If your Dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!"
� Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair.
� Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safe-word.
� When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.
� Learn the following phrases and use them as often as possible:
� Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself! - What do I look like, your maid? - This isn't a restaurant. - In your dreams! - Who died and left you boss? - I don't think so! - Homey don't play that game. - Yeah, right!
� Send your Dom/me an invoice for your services.
� After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your Dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell "Gotcha!"
� Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)
� Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.
� In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.
� During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
� If your Dom/me tells you, "Look me in the eyes, " do it cross-eyed.
� If your Dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!"
� Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair.
� Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safe-word.
� When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.
� Learn the following phrases and use them as often as possible:
� Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself! - What do I look like, your maid? - This isn't a restaurant. - In your dreams! - Who died and left you boss? - I don't think so! - Homey don't play that game. - Yeah, right!
� Send your Dom/me an invoice for your services.
� After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your Dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell "Gotcha!"
� Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)
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