The Perfect Man...

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Dungeon Barbie

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Dungeon Barbie was an adult doll produced by German-born, Gateshead-based artist Susanne Pitt, using the head of Mattel's Superstar Barbie attached to a doll with large breasts, and dressed in BDSM fetish clothing which she described as "'Lederhosen-style' Bavarian bondage dress and a helmet in rubber with a PVC-mask and a waspie". She publicised the doll on a website, which she closed down when she was sued by Mattel over copyright infringement.

In July, 2002, Judge Laura Taylor Swain refused an injunction against Ms. Pitt in the Southern District of New York court, saying: "To the court's knowledge, there is no Mattel line of S&M Barbie."

In November that year, she ruled that Mattel could sue, but was unlikely to prevail.

See also

• Barbie bondage

Dear Mom & Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

You'll be happy to hear that I have finally left my black boyfriend. I know you both didn't approve of him because of his race and the fact that he is ten years older than me. I found, as you suggested, a nice white German boy the same age as me. Attached is a recent photo of the two of us. He's looking forward to meeting you both.

Your loving daughter,
Carrie

(I couldn't resist posting this because it made me laugh!!!)

The Lighter Sight of BDSM

(Sources: far & wide, top & bottom)

Symptoms Of BDSM...

You have a playroom full of toys - but you have no children

You spend much time on your knees - but you are not religious

You go to dog training class - but you have no dog

You talk about vanilla - but you do not mean ice cream

You are called a slut - but you do not take offence

You have an account at a hardware store - but you hate DIY

You have hooks in the ceiling - but no hanging baskets

You buy clothes pegs in bulk - but you use the tumble dryer

You have a tack room - but you cannot ride a horse

You train & humiliate recruits - but you are not in the military

You are called Mistress - but you are not having an affair

What A Dominant Should Not Say When 

Sub Is Bound, Gagged, Blindfolded & 

Suspended From The Ceiling...

1. This is my first time.

2. I have never liked you.

3. Oops!

4. I am not sure which end of this to insert.

5. Come in, the door's open!

6. Where would you hide a body so no one would find it?

7. You remind me of my ex.

8. I should really take my medication.

9. I wish this came with instructions.

10. Have you seen a key anywhere?

11. Darling, you're home early!

12. Say 'Cheese'!

13. I take cash or credit card.

14. (complete silence)

What Not To Do With Your Dominant...

Ask for your safe word to be 'Bastard'.

Roll your eyes when your Dominant is detailing your punishment.

Ask to go to the toilet during Japanese rope bondage.

Hide the toys that you hate.

Make obscene gestures when your hands are tied behind your back.

Ask your Dominant, 'What did your last slave die of?'

Explain that you can't do foot worship because you have a sensitive nose.

Sing 'Happy Birthday' and blow the candles out during wax play.

Ask Mistress if she is suffering from PMT.

Sigh or tut when your Dominant miss-hits.

Ask your Dominant "Is that a speech impediment?" when receiving verbal humiliation.

Decorate your Dominant's leathers with flowers and ribbons.

Close your eyes and snore when receiving a beating.

Provide a sports commentary during a scene.

Put a whoopee cushion on Mistress' queening chair.

Give a haircut to your Dominant's favourite flogger.

Threaten to call the police.

Fold your arms and say 'No!' when given an order.

Stick an Alka-Seltzer in your mouth during a scene.

Giggle.

Say that you can't count the strokes because your hands are tied behind your back & you need to use your fingers.

Superglue the nipple clamps shut.