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We sometimes forget just what it takes to do what a dominant does best. While we chose to give up control, and follow their lead, while our mind becomes a whirlwind of emotions, and our bodies, taken to greater heights, we cannot realize at this time the inner workings of our partner. So when can we understand the strength, control and awareness that it takes to be one of the best?
Reflective thinking, perhaps, in the quiet of caring arms, when we've returned from our high. A dominant's role is not an easy one. Many take it for granted, not seeing behind the scenes of what goes through their minds. Not acknowledging the awe of what is truly present.
So what makes a good dominant and a good partnership? Heroic Lust. An easy way to remember the most important words in this lifestyle's relationship, although definitely not in this order. So what do they stand for? |
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| Honesty | Doms are people too. Anyone not admitting to faults or mistakes is lying both to themselves and to others. Honesty goes hand in hand with Trust and Communication. Both submissives and dominants are honest with their needs, wants, dreams, and desires. It is only with Honesty, that a relationship can develop to the extent where both partners are happy. Your dishonesty about your limits or fears, or His not wanting you to know that he lacks experience with a chosen tool, can be hazardous to both parties. Be honest with yourself, and then be honest with others.
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| Empathy | Both partners need to be in tune to the moods of the other. We seek someone who can see the frightened child within us all, the warm companion, or just the average person who, like the rest of the world, also have problems, get tired after a hard day of work, or just isn't in the mood to always be what they want them to be.
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| Respect | For ourselves, for our partner, and for others. Set a good example, so that others will follow. Respect fellow dominants, or other submissives, who may need a helping hand or a bit of advice. Respect that the opinions of others do not make them right or wrong, simply different.
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| Observation | It's here where a dominant can really shine. Their mind tuned in to everything around them during play. Your breathing, the tightness of your bonds, your pleasure, pain, body language, and most of all, your safety. His brain is processing what he needs to do to counteract or balance your needs or what he wants to accomplish. All at the same time bringing you to that point. Imagine trying to swing a flogger, hit your mark, while making sure your hands aren't turning blue, and your breathing patterns are steady. Try it sometime. :) This is the most unappreciated and unrecognized of all their traits, and one of the most important ones.
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| Intelligence | Both a dominant and submissive need intelligence to be able to read, study, and comprehend all which needs to be learned and taught. Be a good conversationalist, sharing in each others passions. An enlightened mind sees things in a different light and tends to be more open minded.
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| Communication | Communication is paramount. One of the top 3 on my list of priorities. It is the center from where all other characteristics stem from. Without communication, any relationship- be it vanilla or otherwise - is doomed for failure. And communication doesn't mean "I talk, you listen". It is a method for understanding your relationship.
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| Control | Control. What would a BDSM relationship be without it? The submissive giving it up, the dominant taking it. A dominant must have control of himself first and foremost. Mentally, physically and emotionally. The submissive must be willing to relinquish their control.
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| Caring | Caring. Be a friend when you both need one. Warm arms when we all need to be held. A mentor when we seek answers. A soothing touch when we are afraid. A simple smile to let us know all is right with the world.
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| Creativity | Creativity. New ways, ideas, methods. Ever-changing patterns which evoke that rush which the mind so craves. |
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| Loyalty | In what you are, and in what you do. In the rules that the two of you have established. This is a key facet of trust.
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| Understanding | Where each other is coming from, and where you want to go. Understand the opinions of another, and their outlook on life and on other people. Being able to relate in all areas. Understand that the face that you show to others is how they see you.
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| Strength | Primarily mental strength. Lets face it submissives aren't always compliant, and we do tend to give our dominants a run for their money. It's our job to keep their minds sharp! But all kidding aside, both parties need to feel it. Does she have the inner strength to do what I ask of her? Or, yes, because i am encompassed within his strength, I have the ability to do what is expected of me, or what I need to accomplish. "I am safe, because I feel his other strength beside me." Mental strength also assists in self control.
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| Safety | Safety needs no explanation. Anyone - submissive or dominant, who is not concerned about safety, shouldn't be in this lifestyle.
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| Trust | The crutch of any relationship, but due to the intenseness of this lifestyle's play, trust is the focal point around which everything else revolves. You trust that he will be there for you. You trust that his aim with a whip is accurate, and he trusts that you won't move and have his mark strike in the wrong place. You trust that he knows what is best for you, and at times follow blindly into the unknown, knowing full well that a mistake on his part could be damaging on many counts. He trusts that you'll follow, sometimes fearful, hesitant. But in your doing so, a dominant's mind can know no greater rush than seeing that trust, and knowing He was the cause of it. This psychological aspect of BDSM is, in my opinion, the number one factor of why we chose this lifestyle. |
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| Heroic Lust. Put all together, these words fit its definition. Whatever importance you chose to place on each word or how you chose to remember them... is up to you. |
